欲取姑与 — “To give in order to take”

欲取姑与 is a Chinese idiom (chengyu) meaning “to give in order to take”. To give something to someone temporarily to induce them to relax their guard, and then take it back or seize something else when the opportunity arises; to concede a small point to gain a larger advantage. Literally, “If you want to take, you must first give”.

Frequency

欲取姑与 Pronunciation and Pinyin

欲取姑与 Character Breakdown

Stroke Order

Character	Pinyin	Strokes	Meaning
欲	yù	11	to want or desire
取	qǔ	8	to take, obtain, or choose
姑	gū	8	father's sister
与	yǔ	3	and; with; to give

Example Sentence with 欲取姑与

他深谙“欲取姑与”的道理，在谈判中先让步，最终获得了更大的合作项目。

He understood the principle of "give in order to take," making concessions first in negotiations, and ultimately secured a larger collaborative project.

Origin and Story of 欲取姑与

During the Spring and Autumn Period, Zhi Bo, a powerful aristocrat in the Jin state, used his influence to demand land from Wei Huanzi.

Wei Huanzi's strategist advised him to agree to give the land, explaining that this would make Zhi Bo even more avaricious, leading him to demand land from other aristocrats. This would cause the other aristocrats to unite against him, a strategy known as "If you want to take, you must first give."

Later, Zhi Bo was indeed defeated by a coalition of aristocrats, and Wei Huanzi eventually gained even more land.